Esseditzae

Warning: This post has some spoilers to the true character of Candice Stone. If you do not wish for your perception of Candice to be ruined, discontinue reading.


I don't remember how I got to thinking about certain momentous moments in my past...haha ok they weren't exactly momentous but they have sure stayed with me. When I was 11 or 12 I had gone into town with my dad and my sisters. We went to Wal-Mart and my older sister, Lacey, got a day planner. Although she's not exactly the most organized person, she sure likes to try, or pretend to be, I don't know. In the planner it had the months of the year, days of the weeks, and even the alphabet. On the way back home she started making up an additional month, an additional day of the week, and an additional letter; and she was telling our dad all about it. Well I was in my own little world and not paying attention. I started listening in when she was talking about the 'new' letter. I didn't hear the whole 'making it up' so I was getting really perplexed. And I finally asked "Really? They made a new letter?" And of course my sister and my dad, being them and knowing how gullible I am, went right along with it telling me "Yeah, it's been all over the news. It's a new letter that now comes after Z" and so on and so on. And I was like "How is this going to work? They're going to have to come up with new words to fit it. How are they going to do that? How will the new words fit in with our sentences? It doesn't make any sense. What's wrong with what we already have? Why did they add a new letter? I don't get it. It's going to be so confusing." They had me convinced that there really was a new letter and I was so completely baffled by it. Eventually they filled me in on the joke and I was like 'well that's not very nice, you had me completely fooled.' And, of course, they got a good laugh over it.


And then there was a moment when I was 19 and I was staying with Lacey for a week, who was living in Reno at the time. One morning we're both in the bathroom getting ready for the day and she starts talking to me. Exasperated, I say, "Lacey! You know I don't speak French!" She looks at me and says, "That was English." Oh. But for the record she was speaking with a French accent and I was concentrating on my make-up, and really, I'm not a multi-tasker in any way, shape, or form. When I'm focused on something I can't do anything else, including listening.


Some of you might be shocked to learn that I have a ditzy side to me. It is a very shocking matter, to be sure. I probably need therapy, you might now, too. However, I am not willing to pay for said therapy and so I must live with this condition/curse for the rest of my life. Life is cruel. Fortunately, I am not in this alone. My sisters also suffer with Esseditzae; it's a word, and it's latin, look it up. But I won't go into their ditzy moments....actually you know what? If I'm bringing myself down, I'm taking them with me. Mwahahahaha.


So lets start with Tamra. When she was in high school, she was on the internet and reading a blonde joke. At the end of the joke it said to put the mouse on the blonde's ear in the corner to find out the answer. She sat there and read it a couple times, a little confused. She looked at the mouse and was all, ooookaaay...? So what did she do? She picked up the mouse and put it on her own ear. And yes, my little sister is blonde. I think we can all correctly assume that this did not work. So she puts the mouse back down and reads it again. And suddenly it clicked in her head! So she picked up the mouse again and put it against the screen where the blonde's ear was. Oh yes she did. Well for some reason, which I can't fathom why, that didn't work. When she put the mouse down the arrow went over the ear and the answer showed up. Suffice it to say, that when she realized what it meant, she felt like an idiot. Can you blame her?


Then there was this other time, while she was living in Reno, she took her car in to get the oil changed. When they were finished the guy was talking to her and told her he had spilt a little oil on the engine so if she starts smoking....in which Tamra quickly interrupts him at this point and assures him that she doesn't smoke. He looked at her and said "I meant the car." HAHAHAHA! I love this story, makes me laugh every time.


So now we will move on to Lacey. Lets see....Oh, there was this one time when we were down in Texas for a family reunion. Lacey and I were in our hotel room, fighting over something. She was getting so angry with me and she happened to have her deodorant stick in hand. So with all the anger she could muster, and not really thinking (clearly), she uncaps her deodorant, points it at me, and threatens (in all seriousness) "I'll deodorize you!" Let me tell you, it is not easy to remain angry at someone who wishes to deodorize you. Do I smell that badly?


Dang it all, I can't think of another Lacey moment. But I know, I KNOW, there are more, I just can't remember any at the moment. I don't know, maybe she's smarter than Tamra and me and keeps most of them to herself. But if you know Lacey, then you know there are plenty of ditzy moments for her. It just irks that I can't think of anymore right now.


But there you have it....The Dolney girls. My dad once asked "How did I raise such ditzy girls?" I think we have our mother to blame for that one. In fact, there was this one time (can't leave my mom out), Tamra and my mom were home (Lacey lived out of town and I was married at this time), they were in the kitchen, when all of a sudden they heard a knock.... from the closet in the front room. So quietly they walk to the closet and slowly open the door, and they are both a little freaked out at this point. Well there is nothing in the closet besides coats. Weird, huh? Then all of a sudden there comes another knock! On the front door immediately behind them. Because the closet door is directly in front of the front door with about 3 feet between the two doors. I seriously have no idea how it didn't occur to EITHER of them that the knock was from the front door. No, they both thought the closet.