It is now November. I have been dreading this month all year long. This is the month I turn 25. And I am not happy about it. In truth, it absolutely depresses me. The reason for this? I was married at 19 and wanted to have children right away, yeah didn't happen. So I'm mourning my childlessness and my plans I had all my life (marry young and have kids right away) Part of the plan happened the way I wanted. I'm not as depressed as I was before (I'm still not looking forward to turning a year older, I'm just not as depressed) because I now have hope again since we've started the process of adoption (I hate filling out paper work, but it's gotta be done). The past several months were really hard on me. Half the time I was extremely angry and bitter, the other half I was extremely depressed. And I have the hardest time being around anyone who's pregnant or has a baby. In fact I hate it. I have the hardest time going to church each Sunday because of this. There are a few women who are pregnant or just had a baby. In actuality, the past 2 or so years have been hard. I was on clomed twice, each for 6 months, and that gave me bad mood swings. But now that I've got some hope, I'm doing ok. It's amazing what a little hope can do for you. In fact Thayne (my bro-in-law), a couple days ago, made a comment on how I seem a lot happier.
Anyway, so I told Shalum, and a few other people, that we are not going to celebrate my birthday and if anyone so much as wishes me a happy birthday I'm going to hit them...hard. However I told Shalum that we are going to see Twilight that night (it comes to theaters on my birthday) because it's my birthday (He doesn't want to see it). And he was all "I thought we weren't gonna acknowledge your birthday" and I told him "this is the only acknowledgement we're going to give it, that I get to do whatever I want, that's it." I am so excited to see Twilight, even though I know I'm not going to like it very much. I rarely (as in most cases with people) like a movie based on a book. They have to take a lot out in order to fit it into 90 minutes or so. So we miss a lot of good scenes. However if I see the movie before reading the book, I usually like both.
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And my wish for you for your birthday is that you get your paperwork done and that your dreams will come true in the 25th year of your life and that you will have a little pebble to call your own!!!! I want that for you so badly and if we all pray hard enough we can certainly make that happen for you!!! :) And then we will all get to spoil that baby rotten!!!
We are making it a girls night out to see Twilight so if Shalum seems to feel like it would be next to having his fingernails ripped out... we can take YOU with us!!! :)
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